Once upon a time there lived a great big blue dragon, who would soar the skies every morning, afternoon and evening but as soon as the sun began to set he would make his way hastily towards his home, this being a cave with a little nest of sapphires.
Now one morning this great big blue dragon, who we shall call Dave as dragon names are not easily pronounced in the human language, spotted something that caused him to pause.
Dave flew round and round the thing that had caught his attention as he didn’t know what it was. He had flown far north where the ice gathered on his enormous wings, he had flown south where the sun beat down upon the ground and it was nothing but dust and sand, and he had flown west and east as far as he could, but he had never seen anything like this.
The thing seemed to have a long golden mane, and loose white skin, at the moment it was unmoving, seemingly caught in some sort of trap, but was making a lot of noise none the less. Dave wasn’t hungry as he’d just had 3 cows, 2 pigs a dozen sheep and a stray horse, but he was mightily curious as to what this wailing creature was.
So he landed in a clearing and waddled (the most accurate description, but not one to use in front of any size of dragon… If you have to describe them in their hearing, make sure you say majestic a lot…) over to the wailing creature and gave it a sniff.
The wailing stopped for a few seconds and an ear-splitting screech filled the air, louder than a barn owl and Dave backed away in wonder. How could such a puny thing make such a noise!
As you no doubt have guessed, the strange creature was in fact a lovely human princess, tied up to attract a fierce some beastie for her prince to slay and prove his courage to the kingdom, get the crown, and the lassie…
However, the prince, Cyril, wasn’t so keen on going up and slaying a great big blue dragon called Dave, so hide behind a bush, quaking in his stylish but practical steel boots.
The princess, Miranda, called out “CYRIL!!! Get over here and stab this brute before it eats me! CYRIL!!!” Dave’s jaw dropped. The creature talked… The princess gave a little shriek as Dave’s mouth dropped thinking the brute really would eat her tender princess flesh. Dave uttered in a voice that hissed and growled at odd intervals… “Creature, that noise is most horrid on mine ears. Do cease it! What are you doing in such a strange trap? Are you about to be eaten?”
Miranda gaped at the dragon… “It’s Miranda! Not creature… And Princess Miranda to you, beast!”
“Miranda, not creature, and princess Miranda, I am Dave.”
Miranda then did a most un-princess like thing and snorted with both humour and indignation.
“Dave… What a silly name for a dragon. And it’s just Princess Miranda.”
Dave got a little upset over his name being called silly, and let out a small jet of steam close to but not harming the princess. She squealed again! And Dave figured he had made his point.
During this time, Cyril, our hapless prince to be, was edging closer to the commotion, listening to the conversation. “Surely this beastie cannot harm me or the fair maiden Miranda or he surely wouldst have.” He drew his sword and charged the dragon…
“Hello DAVE!” Cyril screamed as his battle charge as he brought his sword up so it would go straight into the dragon’s neck.
The sword shattered into a million fragments, dragon skin is very hard to pierce as you know but silly Cyril didn’t…
Dave blinked and looked at this other strange creature. “Well, that is an odd custom for greeting, but I must return it…” and with that, he said “hello” and pierced poor prince Cyril with a claw that went through him like a kebab stick would a tomato only with a bit more juice exploding in various directions.
The princess, well her lovely white wedding gown became splattered with the blood and gore of poor hapless Cyril and she feinted being a typical female of the time.
Dave had had quite enough of this by now, he was no closer to discovering what on earth these things actually were, and he seemed to have accidentally killed one…
So he unchained Miranda, using a clean claw to slice through the chains, held her tightly but gently in one claw and set off back to his cave as the sun was going to set in a few hours anyway he went via a lake and dunked the girl quickly in it to get her white dress back to white, and it also had the added effect of re-wakening her.
Unfortunately, Miranda started the screaming and shrieking again, so Dave dunked her again and again until she shut up. And so Dave returned to his cave with a very cold and wet and quiet princess Miranda to spend the night with.
“Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes” asked Dave, now understanding that they were separate from her soft squishy flesh. Miranda was in no mood to argue, Dave had already displayed his strength and ability to keep her quiet, so she meekly complied. He let out a gentle steam to get her dry and she shivered and moaned at the warmness of the heat that washed over every part of her body.
Dave liked this sound, so he did it again, a little lower in temperature, and a little warmer. Then he flicked out his tongue to touch her soft squishy body, and she jumped a bit in horror, as she thought he would eat her, but assumed, rightly, that Dave was just smelling her when he touched parts of her she moaned and sighed, and had trouble standing…
Dave had a secret magic that allowed him to take the form of anything he had inspected, so he turned into a copy of Miranda.
Dave lifted a hand and stretched and curled up his fingers.
Miranda moved closer, to see her perfectly formed body all around… “My ass really isn’t as big as I thought!” she exclaimed
